Category Archives: sociology

Three Truths About Paradise

Our ever evolving languages can often lead to some complicated terms, and concepts that can often be difficult to both describe and properly comprehend. One of those concepts is paradise, this concept of a place where everything is ideal, happy and worry free. But, in various places within our culture, there are vastly differing depictions of it.

Last year, I rode my bike through a place called Paradise Valley, in Southern Montana, along the Yellowstone River Valley. This “paradise” is a calm, quiet, and sparsely populated picturesque landscape in the mountains. When many people here in Colorado talk about “paradise”, they are commonly discussing places that meet this very description.

A google image search for the word paradise primarily produces images of a tropical beach. This is the image of paradise depicted in commercials for products like Corona. In my observation, this is the most common way paradise is depicted in our culture, and for anyone that has ever spent a winter in the Midwest, it serves as a dream vacation.

And then there is the world of music, and its plethora of widely varying references to paradise; As a specific act of intense sexual pleasure (L.L. Cool J.). As a hyperbole for a horrible life situation (Phil Collins). Sarcastically (Green Day). Detroit based rapper Big Sean comes closest to appreciating the true, complex nature of the concept, when, in his song, Paradise, he discusses his lifestyle as a whole, and the pride he has taken in earning it.

I wasn’t expecting to find any inspiration here at Evergreen Lake. I mainly came up here to free myself from the distractions at home, and also avoid the 90 degree heat in Denver, without traveling too far. I did not know what to expect from this place. I hoped to find somewhere I can alternate between walking and reading. What I saw was a popular public place, with outfitters renting out paddle boats, stand-up paddle boards, and other strange water contraptions, families having picnics, and groups of friends just enjoying themselves in the areas surrounding the lake.

It felt like paradise- sort of. In a way, it felt reminiscent of paradise, what it truly is and isn’t. The concept of paradise is kind of complex, but lost in all of our songs, pictures, and conversations, are three basic truths about paradise.

Paradise is not just a geographical location- it’s a setting!

It’s the time of day and time of year. It’s who you are with (or not with), your situation, and what’s on your mind. It’s a “setting”, in the full sense of the word, as it is applied to stories, plays, etc. This can include not only the place a person is, but where they just were, where they are going, and how they feel about all of it.

Paradise is different for every person.

Gazing upon people giggling amongst each other, playing games, paddling their boats and such, I realized that, as a true extrovert, my version of paradise is probably not this quiet retreat in the mountains, or an empty beach. It probably falls a lot closer to Big Sean’s, a life well lived and earned! But, also a place where people are interacting with one another in a manner that is enjoyable.

We often don’t recognize paradise until after the fact.

I was inspired by multiple specific things I saw. A group of older people playing bocce ball reminded me that life did not have to become dull and uninspiring with age (as I often fear). There was also a group of younger people, cheerleaders, doing cartwheels and giggling about what had transpired over the course of their weekend. Witnessing this reminded me of all of the times I had spent socializing with good friends over the past decade or so. It was almost like a montage playing through my head.

I recalled the times I would be envious of people in a large group that seemed to be doing something more interesting than what I was doing, only to remember how frequently, I am on the other side of that equation, part of a large group, likely being obnoxious. I recall in particular, one time, in Chicago, when I tried to replicate the experience of passing around a boot of beer, a German tradition also common in Madison, Wisconsin. I found a place that served boots, and assembled a group of a dozen or so people only to realize that this was more of a family establishment, and not necessarily a place to go to recreate college type antics. We still had a good time, and there may have been some that wished for that level of excitement out of their evening!

Of the crowd at Lake Evergreen, I wonder how many of them are like me. I wonder how many of them are enjoying their own personal version of paradise, and, as I had so many times in the past, not realized it until a couple of weeks after the fact.

Day 6: The Finale

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The last day of a long bike ride is always a strange day. Not that any of the previous five days were similar to the others, but this day was especially different. As is the case with many journeys, on the last day two things happen.

First, the specifics, the details such as route decisions, stop locations, timing, daily milage and the like all sort of gradually drift out of my mind. In its place come grander thoughts about the trip as a whole, the accomplishments, the disappointments, the lessons learned, and everything else that has been going through my mind.

The second thing that happens is reality starts to set in. For six days, July 5th, the day I would go back to work, and return to my “normal life”, may as well not have existed. It did not cross my mind once. It’s like my mind suddenly re-realized that this day was coming and that, in less than 24 hours I’d be on a plane heading home, and within 48 hours I’d be back to regular old work.

Another thing that made this day different than the first five days is that we had two additional riders join us. Riding with a group, and riding significantly less miles (67 today as opposed to over 100 most other days) made the ride take on a significantly different feel.

We entered Maine only about seven miles into the ride. I guess the previous day I pretty much rode across the entire state of New Hampshire. And, I got my sign! The one I had been hoping for the last two times (last two days) I crossed a state line.

The first part of the ride was nice, with a wide shoulder along state highway 113, following the Saco River. After riding on a few back roads, and a little bit of time on a trail that was half paved and half rocky, we found ourselves headed into the Portland area. The roads got significantly busier. In fact, these were the busiest roads I had ridden on for the entire trip. In some parts of the route, the shoulders all but disappeared, making these the kinds of roads I would not normally chose to ride on.

We rode through the surprisingly hilly downtown area of Portland, and after the final seven miles along state highway 77, arrived, in the early afternoon, at our final destination for the trip, Cape Elizabeth.

When we arrived at the Atlantic Coast, at Two Lights State Park, the day started to get emotional.

This was, by far, the biggest bike trip I had ever been on, and may still prove to be my life’s longest bicycle journey. But, for Clay, it was the culmination of a three year long effort to bike across the country. In 2014, he biked from Denver to Chicago. Last summer, from the Oregon Coast to Denver. This year, from Chicago to Maine. In three segments, he biked across the country. Many members of his family made the journey to Maine to see him triumphantly enter the Atlantic Ocean, having biked across the continent, and, as a side note, also basically proven that you do not have to be some incredibly rich or extremely lucky person to do so. He did it all while holding the same steady job!

Of course, it is easier to be emotional when exhausted, and this picture sums up exactly how I felt the first fifteen minutes after completing the ride. It was an odd combination of emotions that came over me. Most of them were good, and most importantly, I felt gratitude for being able to play a small part in this whole mission by joining Clay, for three days last year in Montana and Wyoming, and for six this year.

In the afternoon I got the meal I knew I had wanted upon completion of my ride; Lobster. I love lobster, but I live in Denver. When in Maine, well, really there was no other logical choice. In fact, when biking over the last hill of the day, despite being tired, I actually increased my speed and simply yelled, “this is the last hill in the way between me and lobster”!

We ate at a place called the Lobster Shack Restaurant, which, on that day, had a 40 minute wait for service, as it is a popular destination where patrons can eat while overlooking the Ocean!

It got even more emotional after that. That evening my main goal was to hang out with my friends, Clay and Liz, as much as possible. They are in fact, leaving for a year long adventure, to go out and see many other parts of the world! These adventures will be catalogued on their WordPress site. I knew I would likely not see them for a while.

I also could not help but think about all of the things this bike journey taught me, whether it be specifically from the experience, or things that ran through my mind over the course of the long hours I spent on my bike.

Over the course of the week, I saw kindness everywhere I went. Clay was raising money for charity. His family volunteered to help with the ride. Many of the people we met along the way were friendly. I realized that, despite the amount of physical pain I put myself through, I felt happy the entire time, significantly happier than under normal circumstances. Maybe the whole world would be happier if we all acted this way towards one another. The most I can do, going forward, is strive to be the kind of person that gives more than I take, and do my part.

Having experienced being on mile 27 of a 100+ mile day multiple times reminded me not to become too obsessed with the destination. This ride was about more than me laying on a beach in Maine and then eating lobster. It was all of the places I saw while traveling from Niagara Falls across Upstate New York, through the Adirondacks and then Northern New England. The rest of my life is not exactly where I hope it will end up at this point in time, but I can be much better off if I learn to obsess less over the destination and enjoy the journey, as I did this week.

The social media era has turned us all into avatars. By that I mean we all have some kind of image of ourselves that we present to others, based on who we think they want us to be. This week, I simply couldn’t continue to be my avatar. On trips like this, our concerns shift, from the concerns of urban 21st century American life, such as getting a promotion or getting likes on social media, to more basic concerns, for food, water, and shelter. I couldn’t put on a show for others, but I got by, and even thrived. The others on the trip seemed to enjoy having me around. So, I need to stop trying to be the person I think others want me to be.

Also, on the flight to Buffalo-Niagara, I was reading a book called The Happiness Project, about a woman who undertakes various initiatives aimed at improving life satisfaction and reports on the results. She introduced me to the concept of “fog happiness”. This is when the happiness related to an activity is not necessarily concentrated at the time of the activity itself, but spread out over a longer time period, both before and after the actual activitiy. Once I determined I was going to make this bike trip, for the first time in my life, I thought of myself as a legitimate bike tourist. For the first time, I felt the right to interject in a conversation about bike touring, and have legitimate opinions. Essentially, I had added something to my list of activities and enriched my life. We all should be more thoughtful when choosing activities, and, specifically avoid missing out on opportunities to create more of this “fog happiness”.

Obviously, anytime anyone completes an activity that requires a great amount of physical exertion, it is a reminder of how rewarding it can be to overcome fatigue. This lesson applies to other areas of life too, but a journey like this can often be the best reminder that some of the most challenging tasks are the ones with the greatest reward.

Personally speaking, the most important lesson I have taken from this ride relates to something I have struggled with for nearly my entire life. I seek significance in life. I want to do things that matter and feel like I matter to others. While with most of it my intensions are good, there is a dark side. At times, when I feel insignificant and powerless, I succumb to anger, depression and other negative emotions.

This week, while a significant ride, and a series of significant experiences and accomplishments for myself, I was not the center of it all. As previously mentioned, it was Clay’s ride. He rode longer, harder, and raised money for charity. Yet, I did not feel insignificant, as I have a tendency to feel in many day-to-day activities. I realized, and this is important, that: You Don’t Have to be the Center of Attention to Matter. I cannot stress this, to others but most importantly to myself, enough!

As I flew home, I drifted off to sleep, as Bon Jovi’s inspirational 2000 song Save The World played on my headphones. Flying through moderate turbulence, I felt the plane gently shift, both upwards and downwards. Running through my head, was an image of myself, from above, pedaling over hills, through the woods. Nothing else was happening, I was just pedaling.

Where New England Begins

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Everyone has this idea in their head of the ideal place to live. For some, it is right in the middle of something; the middle of the big city where everything is happening, the middle of the woods, or somewhere else one can truly immerse themselves in the kinds of activities they enjoy most. For others, it is places like this, places that are kind of on the edge of two worlds, that combine easy access to several types of amenities.

Greenwich, Connecticut is literally the first town across the border from New York State. Since the people of New York, and the people of New England have a mutual preference to not include New York in the region known as “New England”, this is the exact place where one enters New England.

But, how much does one really feel like they are in New England when here? The town is clearly a suburb of New York City. There is no unincorporated area that separates Greenwich from the adjacent suburbs that are part of New York State. With an express train, one can be at Grand Central Station in Midtown Manhattan in around 40 minutes.

The town does have a New England-like charm. One needs only travel, by foot, several minutes away from Greenwich Ave. (the town’s main street), and the train station, before they enter an area of windy roads, dense trees and quaint houses one often associates with New England.

It has a charming downtown, as well as a “Commons” outside their City Hall, which is something I have come to associate with New England, as I had not seen areas like this referred to as a “Commons” in other regions of the country.

Perhaps one of Greenwich’s greatest attributes is the beach in an area referred to as “Old Greenwich”.

One of the largest beaches in the area, and one of the few that permits dogs, it attracts a significant number of people, even on a dreary day in January.

Once again, here at the waterfront, one can see where this town sits geographically. Even on a cloudy day, at the end of the Peninsula that extends southward into the Long Island Sound, one can see both the rocky shores that pop up the along the shores of New England, extending all the way from here to Maine, but can also see the skyline of New York City.

Around town, I got that same hybrid-like vibe. The pace of life is definitely different from New York City. In New York City, people appear to have some kind of sense of urgency in everything they do. I tell people who have never lived in New York to imagine the second or third most stressful day of their past year and assume that every person around them is having that kind of day. In the short amount of time I spent in Greenwich, I did not sense nearly that level of urgency in the people around me.

Greenwich’s New York-like and New England-like characteristics are overshadowed by one characteristic that seems to define everything here; wealth!

Dealerships selling expensive cars, even Bentleys, line U.S. highway 1 coming into town. The beachfronts are lined with large, multi-million dollar homes, and downtown is lined with shops selling expensive designer brands.

Gucci, Louie, Michael Kors… I do not even know the name of all of them. Frankly, I do not even care. I can never picture, even if one day I become this wealthy, choosing to spend my money that way. The only reason I know the names I do know is that they pop up in popular song lyrics, particularly rap music. While sometimes I can get extremely annoyed by designer brands, particularly if I am EVER pressured into making a purchase, I cannot help but have some kind of odd admiration for the people that managed to market them, and, convince people to spend the amount of money they do on such products.

The people who create and market designer products have a keen understanding of human psychology (albeit, they could have used it for a better purpose). Anytime anyone spends money (and sometimes time) on something, they want to know what they are getting. It is the same dynamic that takes place when we ask our friend regarding their experience with a specific doctor, or a real estate agent. We do not know what we are getting. Through brands, we create trust. “I know Subarus won’t break down on me”. Or, “I trust the Cohen brothers to make a good film.” So, we buy the product. Those that created these designer brands managed to create a reputation so powerful that millions of people worldwide purchase this product when they could easily purchase something similar for a fraction of the price!

The two main things that stop people from living in that “ideal place” in their heads are job availability and money (which are closely related). The fact that people with this amount of additional money chose to live here speaks volumes to Greenwich’s appeal as a place that combines the best of both worlds. People who live here seem to have the best of both worlds; easy access to New York City, the city with more amenities than any other in the country, and fairly easy access to outdoor activities. Friends that moved here from Manhattan tell me that the move has reduced the travel time to nearly all outdoor activities (hiking, skiing, the beach) by 30-60 minutes. While it’s easy to come here and be envious of the fortunes here, it is also quite easy to see, even from someone who might have a different “ideal place” in mind, why people chose to live here.

A Tribute to a Companion

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October has been a crazy emotional month. Most of what I write about in this blog pertains to specific experiences. This past summer was certainly filled with activities of all kinds, trips to various interesting places, and new experiences. It is what I love doing. I started writing this travel blog to catalog my experiences. However, this month, I feels like all I have been writing about is heavy emotional types stuff.

For an experience is not just simply the place one visits. It is also about what one does at that specific place. It is often about the company one keeps, and who that experience is shared with. It is the thoughts and feelings we all experience when in various places. It is the revelations we come to, about life, about the people around us, and about ourselves. It is also the connections we make, or the connections we deepen on these trips. I often have some of the deepest conversations with others on lengthy road trips.

On the evening of Tuesday, October 27th, 2015, last night at the time of writing, I unexpectedly had to say goodbye to not only a travel companion, but also a companion in life- my dog Juno.

It is nearly impossible to fully describe how it feels to have lost a companion an wonderful as Juno. Not only did we share a ton of adventures together, but we also shared a lot of aspects of day-to-day life. As one can see by looking through the pictures on this blog, Juno would accompany me on quite a few adventures, from hiking, to camping, and so much more. As a cold weather dog (Siberian Husky), she particularly loved the mountains. In fact, I remember the look on her face when we departed from one of our weekend camping trips in the mountains. She knew we were headed back to Denver, and the look on her face said, clearly, “Why don’t we live here (in the mountains) instead of there”.

But not only was she around through all of the fun times and adventures, she was also present for my day-to-day life, the ups and the downs, and well, the part of our lives that is not always as glamorous. One thing we as human beings in the 21st Century tend to do, when we invite others into our lives, is only invite them for the good part, the fun part, the adventurous part. This comes, obviously, out of the desire to be liked. So, we present the portion of ourselves that we feel is most likely to be desired by others. But, it is when those around us see the part of us that is not so great, the part of us that deals with discomfort, pain, disappointment, and heartbreak, that we build deeper connections. Juno saw me in all parts of life; the night, as well as the morning after, when the consequences often come.

It is really impossible to replace a companion like this. A friend, whether it be a two-legged friend, or a four-legged one, simply cannot be replaced. There is no substitute for the experiences we have had together. There is no substitute for the way we interacted with one another. And there is no substitute for the joy we had brought into each other’s lives. Experiences cannot be replicated by design. One can only hope to find something similar, or to happily move on to a new and positive experience when one is done.

I will miss the way Juno greets people in the neighborhood, almost invariantly getting a positive response from anyone we would walk by.

I will miss the way Juno problem solves her way through the rocky sections of hiking trails.

I will miss the way Juno would always give me a facial expression that made me feel confident in knowing that she was happy to see me.

I will miss the way Juno often sits on the ground in a manner that makes her look like a three-legged-dog.

I will miss the way Juno would alternate between sticking her head in front of the head rest on the drivers and passenger seat sides on car rides.

I will even miss the way Juno found sneaky ways to pull random chicken wing bones off the ground on walks, particularly on Sundays, without me noticing.

Most of all, I will just miss the happiness she would always bring. I guess there is no better way to describe how I feel right now that simply with the word sad. Sure, there are thousands of other ways to complexify the emotion.

I know I took care of Juno responsibly, but was I responsible enough? Juno started acting strangely roughly a couple of weeks ago. The main thing I noticed was that she was kind of lethargic, moving slower than normal, and drinking a lot of water. This felt to me like someone who has a bad cold, something which people can usually recover from with rest and plenty of fluids. It was not until Monday, when Juno did not appear to be recovering, that I brought her into the Vet. Still, I was not prepared to lose Juno this quickly. I was just perplexed by why she had not been recovering and still seemed to be acting strangely. We had brought Juno home from an animal shelter in 2011, four years ago. At the time, the shelter told us she was five years old. Some of the vets we had brought her to had subsequently estimated her age to be less than five. So, at most she had been nine years old. And, although she had EPI, a disease that renders a dog’s pancreas as useless (we had to mix her food with enzymes to get her to absorb it properly), I still seriously had expected to have her for at least several more years.

I took Juno on adventures, but did I take her on enough of them? Did I really give her the life she deserved? A look through this travel blog, which covers much of what I had done for a large portion of the time I had her, shows many adventures she was a part of, but also many adventures in which she was not included. Additionally, as someone who has had to work standard M-F 9-5 types jobs for much of life, she has spent a good number of weekdays home alone for more than eight hours. I know this is typical in today’s society, but does that make it right? I wonder how she felt all those days.

Mostly, I just hope I gave Juno the best life I could have given her. Because, as many animal lovers will attest to, a dog is not just a pet, it is part of the family. I remember how strange it would feel to come home to an apartment without a dog anytime I would be out of town for the weekend and have brought Juno somewhere else. The coming weeks will not only feel strange, but sad. There are some sad events where one reach deep down inside and find a way to take comfort. Many people can find a way to come to view a lost job as “for the best”, or see something like the not-quite world series bound Chicago Cubs as still having had a “great season” that “exceeded expectations”. But, when it comes to something like this, I dig down, deep inside my heart, and all I see is a hole, for I know that I had a great pet and a great companion, she is gone, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Ideas I Am Not Giving Up On

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Ideas are powerful! They can outlive the people, and even the places and things originally associated with them. Rome was all but destroyed in the 4th, 5th, and 6th centuries. The people that created Rome, and the representative republic which governed Rome for the first five centuries were long gone. Yet, these ideas made a resurgence in the 18th Century, when the founders of a new country called the United States of America created a representative republic in a new land far away. The writings of ancient Roman authors, from those that formed the Republic after overthrowing a King of their own, to those that later tried to defend the Republican form of government from power hungry politicians, are said to have provided inspiration for the country’s founders.

For all intensive purposes, Rome was a place that no longer existed. Yet, ideas that originated from this place had found their way to a land that Romans had no idea even existed, at a time over two thousand years later! Over the next Century, these ideas would proliferate, inspiring additional revolutions all over the world, and even counter-revolutions. Roughly a century later, that idea would actually find its way back to the very place it originated, when Rome, now part of a nation called Italy, would adapt a roughly similar form of Government.

It is for this reason people are often more threatened by ideas than they are by specific people. Today, when those of us look at someone like Osama Bin Laden, or any specific leader of ISIS, what we are looking at, and what we are threatened by goes way beyond a specific individual. Even Bin Laden, long the subject of ire for many, needed the aid or cooperation of many other individuals to successfully carry out the attacks he carried out. Simply put, for many of us in the United States, he became the face of an idea, and one that we largely found repulsive.

We all have ideas. Even those of us that do not consider ourselves creative, or inventive people, have ideas. It doesn’t have to be world changing like the invention of the computer. Maybe it is something as simple as the idea that it would be nice to have a train line or an additional road built to alleviate traffic. Or maybe it is the idea that animals should not be mistreated by their owners. Either way, as long as one understands the idea, why they feel the way they do about it, and has enthusiasm for it, the idea is worth pursuing and standing up for.

I have a ton of ideas, and many do relate to how I feel the world should work. Lately I have been hearing all the time that some people see the world as it, while others see the world as it could be. I would consider myself firmly in the later group. I commonly see some aspects of our society, and how it works, and think to myself (and sometimes say it to people around me) “we can do better”. After discussion, I will often hear from others what has come to be my least favorite sentence of all time: “It is what it is”. This is because, in many cases, I really see no reason it has to be that way. Some people see this as the mark of someone who refuses to mature beyond a state of artificially prolonged adolescence. However, I see it as refusing to give up on me, and what makes me unique.

I see an entire generation of people pursuing college education, and, more and more, post-graduate degrees, in interesting intellectually stimulating subjects just to join the workforce and be asked to perform menial, repetitive job duties and have their ideas rejected due to their low standing on the corporate totem poll. We can do better to nurture and develop these promising young minds.

I see people not being true to themselves, in their actions, their behaviors, and attitudes. We encourage one another to conform, to act like everyone else, and to live life according to a script written by and for a culture that no longer exists because many fear change and the potential loss of status associated with it. But each person’s individual and unique way of doing things is part of what makes this world an interesting place. We can be better about encouraging people to be true to themselves, and not being threatened by their unique way of life.

I see countless missed opportunities in the lives of countless people based on adherence to rigid rules and policies that do not make sense. This is where fear takes it’s greatest toll on society. Many take comfort in rules and structure. However, why should someone who has completed their work, and has no other obligations (meetings and such) be sitting in their cubicle at 2:30 on a warm, sunny afternoon? And, why should one person making a mistake with something lead to a law or ordinance preventing everyone from taking part in this activity? We can stop taking comfort in rules, and start taking advantage of all the beautiful opportunities this world provides us.

And, I see people who have failed to make deep and meaningful connections with other human beings. Many go through their lives feeling like they do not have the support system needed to get through the rough patches of their lives. This is because we live in a society that does not place a high value on building social capital. Many of us spend our days in work and social settings where we do not feel comfortable expressing our emotions and showing one another who we really are. You cannot develop a meaningful friendship with someone that does not even know who you really are. As is the case with the other ideas listed, we can do better on this one as well.

Periodically, I am pressured to give up on these ideas. I admit nobody has ever specifically told me something like “don’t be who you are”. But, I definitely feel it. “You need to act more professionally”. “Fireball: What are you? Still 22.” “Grow up, be a man.” “You can’t just….” These types of statements, and many more, come based on the idea that there are certain expectations of me that I do not believe need to exist.

There are even some that have given me sincere advice that I need to stop worrying about these overly philosophical issues. After all, there are actual reasons for all of the things that frustrate me, and those that defend the current way we do things in this world probably have some valid points. But, while sometimes I do experience frustration and rejection by acting the way I do, the alternative sounds way more depressing to me in the long run. The alternative, to me, is giving up on who I am.

I would rather encourage people to pursue their intellectual ideas, even if occasionally their bosses come down on me.

I would rather continue to show people who I really am, and continue to enjoy the activities that bring me happiness, even if I am periodically given negative feedback by judgmental people.

I would rather take advantage of all of the great things this world has to offer, all of the wonderful places to visit, interesting ideas to pursue, and experiences to enjoy, even if that periodically earns me “reprimand”.

And, I would rather occasionally get burned by someone who uses information about me for their own selfish ambitions than cease showing people who I truly am.

Essentially, I would rather get rejected as myself than be accepted by pretending to be somebody else.

We are all people of value, in our own unique way. And, for any one of us, if we go out there in this world, and find a way to be the best version of ourselves, but still ourselves, we will naturally find people who like it, and people who see us as valuable individuals. We all long for acceptance, but in order to be accepted in a true meaningful way, we need to overcome the fear of rejection, and stand up for our ideas.

Festival Season

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Several years back, I spent a considerable amount of time fascinated with the question; What makes someone an “interesting person”? I guess it was just the time we were living in (around 2010- but it’s still true now). People had become exponentially more distracted by social media over the past half a decade. Every job posting had 200 applications. To get by in the world suddenly seemed to require the ability to get people’s attention. It suddenly did not feel like enough to just simply be competent and friendly. The most precious resource had suddenly become attention, and the amount of time one had to make an impression on people was ever shrinking.

So I took stock of the people in my life, the people I saw, the people I knew, and even people I had just heard about. I knew that there were some people I found interesting for some reason. I really tried to determine why that was. What was it about some people that made their names come up in conversation more frequently? I went through this quandary in my head about the delicate balance between being “too normal” and not having anything distinct about yourself and being “too weird” and not being able to relate to people.

In true extrovert fashion, I did not really figure out what it was about until I started asking other people about it. I asked my friends what people they found interesting and why. And, I realized what is true for me, as well as everybody else on this planet. Some people find me interesting, and some people don’t, the same way I find some people interesting and others not. I even realized that there are people in my life that I had not necessarily found interesting, but could see how they could be interesting to other, different kinds of people. I actually thought about those people that write those celebrity fashion blogs and report live from award shows. I seriously still can’t think of anything I care less about than who wins the Oscars. But, some people love it, and a lot of people love those blogs.

Nobody bores every single person they meet. Also, nobody captivates everyone they meet. But, some people do manage to find a way to relate to a larger proportion of the population than others. We all know that one person that is always talking about the same things, and doing the same things. And, when we get together with them we know it is going to be the same old same old.

Maybe all they do is work…

Or maybe they’ve got some cause they just won’t ever shut up about….

Or, they just really only have one interest. When that happens, well, you can only relate to people who happen to share that interest. When one cultivates a variety of interests, they are able to relate to a greater subset of the population. Not only are more people going to find them interesting, but they are going to find a way to show genuine interest in the lives of more people.

So, while I love to travel, I realize that it is not for everybody. The average American works 47 hours a week. And the average commute is approaching half an hour each way. Many spend much more than that standard five hours a week in their cars as it is. So, I completely understand why, for many people, the idea of hoping in a car Friday afternoon or Saturday morning, spending several hours in it, and doing the same on Sunday, just simply does not sound appealing. I will always find the allure of new places, different experiences, and different cultures worth the effort, but many want to find activities closer to home.

This does not mean they are not interesting people, and this does not mean that I cannot find them interesting. Last weekend, right here in Denver, I was able to attend three festivals; all within 4 miles of home.

At the Denver Brew Festival, with over 50 different participating breweries, and unlimited drinks for $35, one is pretty much guaranteed to be trying beer they have yet to try before.

At the Underground Music Showcase, countless people get exposed to bands, and even musical stylings that they have never been exposed to before.

And, it is hard to top a free concert downtown with Aloe Blacc and Capital Cities!

But one does not need to even go to crazy festivals to be interesting and open to new experiences. At the end of the weekend, I came to the realization that everything I had done this weekend, everything that seemed new and exciting, is something that I can really do whenever I want. And, I live in a medium-sized city, not New York.

If I want to try a new kind of beer, I can go to a microbrewery I have not been to. I think there is a new one opening up every weekend somewhere in Metro Denver.

Most cities have some sort of a local music scene, with local bands playing at a bar for a $5 or $10 cover. In fact, I have had some amazing nights out going to some of these shows!

And, nothing is stopping us from changing the radio station, finding a new channel on Pandora, or asking those around us to expose us to new music that is already out there.

Every day is the opportunity to experience something new. Taking advantage of more of these opportunities is no guarantee that the next time you meet an attractive stranger, a fun potential friend with an active social circle, or that person with the job opportunity of a lifetime, that that particular person will find you interesting. But, it does make the odds much more favorable.

Full Service Camping

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Camping is not just camping. In fact, there is an entire spectrum of different types of camping one can take part in. On one end of the spectrum is the type of bare bones camping that can be found in National Forests and other wilderness areas. I took part in this type of camping for the first time last year at Gunnella Pass. These are places where you just put down your tent, and pretty much are on your own. Maybe there’s a fire pit leftover from the last set of people who plopped their tents there.

On the other end of the spectrum are places like Starlite Classic Campground. These campgrounds have their own office, where one can usually buy the ice, firewood, and other standard camping supplies, specific camping sites reserved in advance for various group sizes, and often have plenty of other amenities.

On this campground, we had a pool, which we ended up spending a significant amount of time in, as temperatures soared well in to the 90s Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Next to the pool is a children’s play area, which I probably spent way more time than any adult should at, but, hey, I am also a grown-up throwing myself a half birthday party, so, it kinda fits.

And, not to mention, a whole bunch of other games, including horseshoes, volleyball, and even a mini-golf course.

All this made for a completely different kind of experience than your standard camping trip. When most people think of camping, they ponder up images of a campfire, roasting marshmallows, and a fairly quiet experience, which can often involve some reflection, star gazing, and deep conversations in the wilderness. With the hot temperatures, mid-June daylight lasting until nearly 9 P.M., all the amenities at Starlite, and a total of 17 people participating in the weekend (including both camping and rafting), very little of your standard camping experience happened. In fact, the weekend kind of felt like some kind of hybrid experience between being at a campsite and a party!

Starlite Classic Campground is located just across the street from Performance Tours, the outfitter we used for our rafting trip. We had a mere two minute walk to get where we needed to go in the morning. In fact, the evening before the trip, we could see the very bus we would be getting on the following morning to start our raft trip.

With the purchase of the group site at Starlite, we received a significant discount on the rafting trip, as they have some sort of deal.

In addition to all of the fun, the scenery was amazing. Just four miles south of the campground is the Royal Gorge Bridge, which can be seen by gazing across the open plane of the Arkansas River Valley. A quick turn to the right, and one can see the Sangre de Cristo Mountain Range, which contains numerous peaks over 14,000 feet, and extends all the way into Northern New Mexico.

As I walked across the open field that evening, staring across a the Sangres, and the bridge, and some of the other terrain features that look so breathtaking when the setting sun hits them at just the right angle, I came to the realization that I had entered the sweet spot that I am always looking for in life. By this I mean being the best version of me, the version of me I wish I could be all the time, but somehow can’t.

Without the help of any substance, drugs, alcohol, or even caffeine for that matter, all the anxiety had just vanished. I was just content. It’s hard to explain. But, it was like I had just simply left the competitive world that we live in behind for a few days. I did not feel I was competing with people, needing to prove anything, or potentially being judged for anything. Maybe what I felt was acceptance, something we all long for in life, and something I sincerely appreciate those who joined me on this trip for.

Out here, organizational structures, hierarchies, deadlines, and all of the things that make life stressful simply don’t exist. It is just you, whoever you chose to make the trip with, and the scenery. And, once you get to that place where you can let go of everything in your head, you find that best version of you, the one you know you are capable of. It is the you that is confident, eager to take on a new activity, and in no way hiding any aspect of who you are out of fear of judgement. It is the you that the people who you value are drawn to, and it is the you that should be celebrated, even if that means throwing yourself parties like this one.

For me, when I am being true to myself, it means being goofy, and, well this area offers plenty of opportunities for that. This section of U.S. highway 50, near Royal Gorge, has more than just one campsite and one whitewater outfitter. There are more campsites, more whitewater outfitters, other activities (such as helicopter rides), and shops and restaurants that serve the needs of the tourists in the area. Not to say that this area is a full-fledged tourist trap similar to Estes Park. But, there are some places to wander around to at night if one is so inclined.

The return trip home involved one mildly disappointing stop; the World’s Largest Rocking Chair. The chair was large, but we could not get in, as the shop that houses it has been closed for a year.

As I faced the return trip to the city, the return to work, and normal life, I could not help but think about the feeling I had this weekend, and how to be the best version of myself, the me that I was all weekend, every day. What I struggle with is that “normal life” offers pretty much two typical paths. First, one could work hard and “move up” in their organization, get promoted, become the boss, and maybe even reach leadership positions. However, I have frequently observed that in many organizations, reaching higher levels requires some level of conformity, and one often must make some compromises on who they are and what they value to get in the good graces of those higher up- particularly in larger organizations.

Then, of course, there is always the option to be content to simply stay at the bottom of the totem pole. This is a better path for those that prefer to keep their work load at reasonable levels, and seriously value work-life balance. But, unfortunately, those that chose this route will always be answering to somebody, a boss, and sometimes for somewhat arbitrary reasons. Being at the mercy of one person (and that person can suddenly change), who may be having a bad day, a bad month, or just simply be a bad person, has lead to countless terrible outcomes, all of which result in people not being the best version of themselves.

This is not to say that all is lost. There are plenty of people that find a path outside the typical two options laid out above. Many even write about their experiences here on WordPress. There are also plenty of people that find a good environment using one of the two standard paths outlined above. But, we all have a struggle. And, this weekend, I realized that in order to make this struggle easier for both myself and the people around me, I need to celebrate the attributes in others that draw me to them, and also celebrate my own attributes that draw others to me. Regardless of our paths, this authenticity needs to be encouraged.

Mud Season

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“Mud Season” is a term used to describe a time of year when a combination of melting snow and frequent rain can cause the ground to become muddy for an extended period of time. The term originated in Northern New England to describe the first part of Spring in Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont, when rural dirt roads are significantly tougher to pass through. It is now used quite extensively in the Rocky Mountains as well. Here, “mud season” refers to the time period between ski season and the onset of summer activities; basically most of April and May. With a drier climate, Rocky Mountain “mud season” is not nearly as muddy as its New England counterpart. But, the lull in activity produces similar results.

“Mud season”, no matter where you are physically located, is the outdoor recreation equivalent of a matinee movie showing, a red-eye flight, or well liquor. Those who chose to travel during this time of year are rewarded with significantly cheaper hotel rates, much less traffic to contend with, and campgrounds that are significantly emptier. However, as is the case with any other off-peak event, there is reduced demand for a reason. And, there are tradeoffs. Matinee moviegoers are giving up greater opportunities than those who pay more to see a movie at night, a red-eye flight can mess up sleep schedules, and well liquor can produce significantly worse hangovers.

The main reason camp sites are easier to come by here in the Central Rocky Mountains in late April/ early May is that, at 10,000 feet in elevation, conditions are still not optimal. This past weekend, both Friday and Saturday nights saw temperatures drop below the freezing mark. Camping in these conditions is far less comfortable. It necessitates chopping more firewood, packing more layers, and sometimes even breaking camp with frost on top of your tent!

In my case, there were plenty of people around to handle campfire preparation. This particular camping excursion was actually a multi-day birthday party. And, at some point Saturday evening, there was around 20 people at the campfire. It was a strange mix, being in a remote, secluded area away from civilization, but also being at a major social gathering. We were out of cell phone range, miles from any town, and a significant distance from the nearest other campers, but also using battery powered speakers to play music at a significant volume. It was a truly amazing experience! I got to both be around a large group of people, but also wander into the woods and collect my thoughts in perfect silence, all in the same day!

Social gatherings of these kinds are always somewhat of a balancing act. At any social gathering like this, you will find people that will fit into the following three categories:

First, there are the people you are solidly friends with. You have seen them sometime recently. You have your shared experiences, your silly jokes and the like. Most likely you have some kind of plan to see them again. Maybe you coordinated rides with them, or even lost a silly bet on a basketball game several weeks ago. That is what happened to me, and why I had to wear this silly sombrero for most of the weekend!

In the second category are people who you know, but not terribly well yet. These are the people you would typically describe as “friends of friends”. You’ve definitely had some experience with them. They showed up at the bar last weekend, or the last house party you attended. You’ve hung out with them, conversed, danced, played games at various intoxication levels. And, maybe someday in the future someone in this category will eventually be a good friend. But, with people in this category, the next time you will see them will be at another event coordinated by your mutual friends.

And, finally, there are the people you are meeting for the first time ever.

A balance needs to be had. I find it important to engage with people that would fit into all three of these categories over the course of the evening. You need to enjoy your time with your friends, but also be open to letting more people into your life. It’s about sharing in the activities you know, reliving the experiences you have had, and continuing the ongoing jokes you already share, but also trying new activities, exploring new ideas, and creating new jokes in your circle.

I dabbled in the old, as well as the new. I even tried, once again, and failed, once again, at mastering the art of wood chopping. That silly sombrero I had to wear did not help.

Let’s be honest, my form here, it looks terrible, and look at all of those silly little chunks of wood that ended up splattered all over the place. At least the activity kept me warm.

As is the case with any off-peak activity, there are some cases to take either side of tradeoff. Someone who works a non traditional schedule may financially benefit from seeing a cheaper matinee movie. A red-eye flight may be a more efficient use of time for someone capable of dozing off on an airplane. And, well liquor could be a good cheaper alternative for someone whose plan for the following day does not necessitate being alert. During “mud season” in the Rockies, hotels are cheaper and camp sites are far easier to come by. It is also way easier to find both privacy and seclusion. To get to a place that is truly peaceful, one must travel less distance, and often spend less time in traffic to get there. Therefore, for those not looking to mountain bike, climb a tall mountain, or use muddy trails, it may be worth the trade-off to come up to the Rocky Mountains during “mud season”. And, like the person who is capable of falling asleep on an airplane, or those who work non-traditional schedules, some are more adept at handling the cold nights of “mud season”.

Like this Siberian Husky, who, if anything, feels at home in chillier conditions, there are off-peak opportunities out there for nearly any activity one engages in. And, those who figure out the ones that are right for them, can save money, time and hassle.

Visiting the Past and the Future- Part 1

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It was an average day that I suddenly found myself in a strangely familiar place. Wednesday the 22nd of April is a day where most people are simply going about their daily routines, particularly in suburbia. But, on this day, I unexpectedly found myself headed west on 159th Street, entering the town of Homer Glen, Illinois. And, although I have not been here in nearly a decade, traveling this stretch of road brought back a flood of memories from my college years.

Homer Glen is just over an hour away from both my parents house and my University. I was never here for an extended period of time, nor did I come here on a regular basis. However, I had made several friends who were from this area, and ended up partaking in some social events here. There are plenty of other places I could go and encounter a similar amount of memories. However, this visit came unexpectedly, and on a trip where I am already visiting a plethora of places near and dear to me, from past chapters of my life. Maybe that is why the images from my past came back to me so powerfully.

Most of my memories from this place involve standard young people shit; drinking, debauchery, partying, etc. However, some of them involve some specific experiences that remind me of the way my life truly was. One summer evening, we had used a friend’s house in this area as a meeting point, as we had on several occasions, particularly in summer. We had all not see each other in around two months, which, for 20-year-olds used to being at college together all the time, seems like an eternity. As a result, we spent roughly 20 minutes taking pictures. I don’t even remember why we took so many pictures, but we did so until the one person with even less of an attention span than me finally had to put a stop to it. His exact words were “I love you guys, but we need to do something.”

Looking around, I eventually realized that I was not even really in the same place that I had remembered. At that time, the area between Orland Park and Lockport was called Homer Township. It would later be incorporated as the town of Homer Glen. Instead of the four-way stop signs I had seen throughout the area, signaled by red flashing lights in all directions, most intersections here now have full traffic signals. McDonald’s is now accompanied by a bunch of other establishments, and an extension of Interstate 355 has been built just to the west of town. So, although some of what I saw looked familiar, and brought back memories, there is not way to avoid clear evidence that this is now a completely different place than it was a decade ago.

One mistake I tend to make is to associate certain past experiences with a specific location. Periodically, I need reminders that when I think of a set of experiences from my past, I am really looking back to a “chapter” of my life, which, unfortunately, cannot be truly relived no matter how hard I try. College is a chapter of life, and one cannot return to this chapter of life by simply moving back to their college town. Even those who chose to stay in their college town enter a new chapter of their lives when they graduate, one that commonly involves either graduate school or their first “real job”.

Not only is this physical location fundamentally different from the place I had all of these experiences, but I also, unfortunately do not have the same relationship with some of the people I had these experiences with. The different physical surroundings right in front of my face serve as a clear reminder that the chapter of my life, with all of the memories that I am suddenly flashing through in my head at nearly lightning speed, is unequivocally over. AlI I can do is smile, and remember with fondness the small part of my life this place once played.

For the entire week, I have been visiting both the past and the future. We travel for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes for business, sometimes for relaxation, and sometimes for pleasure. Sometimes, we travel to places to attend specific events and visit specific people. And, while some trips are primarily about exploring places we have yet to be, and about having experiences we have yet to have, others are about places we have already been, people we already know, and experience we have already had. For me, this trip, which I will discuss more in Part 2, is turning out to be a hybrid. On this trip, I am trying as best I can to balance relaxation with activity. I am trying to visit as many people as possible, but also to have quality experiences, as opposed to simply rushing from one activity to the next. I am also, in a way, visiting both the past and the future, as I can see my life’s previous “chapters”, but also some of my life’s future “chapters” in the places I am going and the people I am seeing over the course of the week.

Happy New Years

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This is going to be my year! This is going to be the year I land my dream job, meet all the right people, have that once-in-a-lifetime epic experience, save tons of money, buy a new house, become a better person, and lose all of the unnecessary fat in my body! All I have to do is change the following five or six behaviors…

Well, that is quite the tall order for a year that actually started out like this…

With the primary memory of the first hour being this…

Which really isn’t too terribly different from how any of the last seven years began for me! And, based on the number of bars that offer $75 packages that include all you can drink and get sold out weeks before Christmas, this is the way a good number of people will begin their year.

Yet, today many of us will put together a list of resolutions that we plan to begin acting upon tomorrow when all of our hangovers subside. Of course, there are those among us that will buck this trend- either choosing to skip the New Years resolution thing, or looking in depth into last year’s resolutions and trying to assess what is realistic in some kind of way. But many of us do follow the pattern that is way more common in the political world than everywhere else; over-promise like the statements that began this post, and then under-deliver. Only, in this case, we are not cheating anyone other than ourselves in this process.

That being said, and even knowing that I am not completely immune to this cycle of over-promising and under-developing, I still made a New Years plan. In fact, it is quite in-depth, and involves six over-arching goals, with sub-goals falling into each category. That is quite in-depth for someone who is now dreading how crowded the gym will be for the next three weeks with people who made New Years resolutions that will last approximately three weeks.

However, the process of reflecting on our lives, and pondering making changes is the entire point of New Years. Without this process, New Years Eve is functionally the equivalent of Blackout Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving). Tomorrow is a day off, so let’s go out and get drunk. And, tomorrow we can be kind of lazy.

One of my favorite people, and one of the inspirations behind my writing style is David Byrne. While with his band The Talking Heads, he wrote a song titled Once in a Lifetime, one of the deepest songs of all time. And, while the lyrics can be confusing, David Byrne describes the song as being about living life on auto-pilot and never questioning or examining the direction it is taking.

Unfortunately, inertia is a pretty powerful (apparent) force in our society. And, nearly all of us slip into a routine where we just operate our day-to-day lives from time to time. In those periods of our lives, that inertia will simply carry our lives in a specific direction. Sometimes that direction is good, but sometimes that direction is less than ideal.

This is why we build into our schedules times like this, where we reflect on the direction our lives are taking, and, often times, come up with plans to make changes. The fact that many of these plans do not pan out over the course of the next few months should not discourage us from taking this time to reflect on our lives and determine what needs to be changed. And, while over-promising and under-delivering is cheating ourselves, never making those promises is even worse. If over-promising and under-delivering equates to our Republican form of government in it’s current state, never making promises, and never asking questions equates to a totalitarian dictatorship. I certainly hope that most would agree that no matter what we have to say about the current state of our country, it is way better than a dictatorship.

I won’t bore you with the specifics of my intricate set of New Years goals and sub-goals. But within this entire plan lies one over-arching resolution that relates to New Years itself, and that is to avoid the kind of “defaulting” that leads people into ruts, and routines, and allows them to simply be carried through life exactly the way David Byrne describes it in his song. By this I mean doing the same things over and over again, watching the same shows over and over again, going to the same websites over and over again, and never even considering trying something new.

In 2014, I published 26 posts on this site. That means that in that 12 month period, I considered 26 experiences worth writing about. One of the things I am trying to avoid doing is write about the same place multiple times. I know I have a couple of times, and I have reserved that for experiences that are different enough for me to feel that another post would not be redundant. So, in a way, the number of posts I make on this site is related to the amount of new and unique experiences I am having in life. So, if my overarching 2015 goal is achieved, I will have had at least 26 blog-worthy experiences in 2015.

The Action Story

Learning about the world and about ourselves through travel and experiences

Category Archives: sociology

Day 6: The Finale

Where New England Begins

A Tribute to a Companion

Festival Season

Full Service Camping

Happy New Years